i really don't even know what to say in this blog. i do know that i am definitely going to guard my heart more from here on out. i really don't understand what happened this time around to get myself screwed. am i too trusting? yes. am i dumb? yes. i have learned that i give way too much of myself to people. i honestly hate this though, because it is just the way i am. i feel like if i don't give myself completely, then what is the point? and i know what i deserve now. i know that even though i may be completely compatible with another person, and they may be exactly what i need, i just might not be what they want. this is one of the hardest lessons i have ever had to learn to swallow. i still don't even understand why i could feel God pushing me in this direction, but He did and i just have to figure out why. why God let me have a taste of utter happiness, only for it to come crashing down and burn. so many "why's" i just want asked. why did this happen. why did others put themselves in situations that would help nobody and hurt everybody? why does this keep happening to me? why can one day somebody feel so much about a person, then the next day not care at all? why were there "fake" feelings? yes, i will go with fake. why do i take a leap of faith everytime just to be thrown away? why don't i understand what is going on? why do i care? why shouldn't i just let go? why is my heart not already completely hardened to all males in general now?--well i think i just had the final straw and now it will be. my only wish in this whole thing is that i knew what the heck was really going on?! i guess no one really knows. oh well, i'm no stranger to heartbreak. 3 times in 6 months... i mean come on, i'm becoming a pro!
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