blah.

well, here goes a venting blog:

i really don't even know what to say in this blog. i do know that i am definitely going to guard my heart more from here on out. i really don't understand what happened this time around to get myself screwed. am i too trusting? yes. am i dumb? yes. i have learned that i give way too much of myself to people. i honestly hate this though, because it is just the way i am. i feel like if i don't give myself completely, then what is the point? and i know what i deserve now. i know that even though i may be completely compatible with another person, and they may be exactly what i need, i just might not be what they want. this is one of the hardest lessons i have ever had to learn to swallow. i still don't even understand why i could feel God pushing me in this direction, but He did and i just have to figure out why. why God let me have a taste of utter happiness, only for it to come crashing down and burn. so many "why's" i just want asked. why did this happen. why did others put themselves in situations that would help nobody and hurt everybody? why does this keep happening to me? why can one day somebody feel so much about a person, then the next day not care at all? why were there "fake" feelings? yes, i will go with fake. why do i take a leap of faith everytime just to be thrown away? why don't i understand what is going on? why do i care? why shouldn't i just let go? why is my heart not already completely hardened to all males in general now?--well i think i just had the final straw and now it will be. my only wish in this whole thing is that i knew what the heck was really going on?! i guess no one really knows. oh well, i'm no stranger to heartbreak. 3 times in 6 months... i mean come on, i'm becoming a pro!

all my fear is swept away in the light of Your embrace.

"On that day when I see

All that You have for me

When I see You face to face

There surrounded by Your grace

All my fear is swept away

In the light of your embrace

When Your love is all I need

And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold

In Your presence healed and whole

Let the songs of heaven rise to you alone

No weeping, no hurt or pain

No suffering You hold me now

You hold me now

No darkness no sick or lame

No hiding You hold me now,

You hold me now

In this life I will stand

Through my joy and my pain

Knowing there's a greater day

There's a hope that never fails

When Your name is lifted high

And forever praises rise

For the glory of Your Name

I'm believing for the day

When the wars and violence cease

All creation lives in peace

Let the songs of heaven rise to you alone

No weeping, no hurt or pain

No suffering You hold me now

You hold me now

No darkness, no sick or lame

No hiding You hold me now,

You hold me now

For eternity

All my heart will give

All the glory to Your name"

--Hillsong United

I reflect over this song right now. i laid out with lexxie at the pool again & had an amazing convo with her about our similar "issues" lately. it was very nice. now i'm mulling over this song after my long shower sittin here in my amazing 80s shorts (la has the same pair) drinking my dr. pepper.

it's over all a good day. i can't really complain. the weather finally listen to my facebook pleas/requests & it's warm & sunny. i hope that lasts.

back to this song. i am fully understanding the line that says "all my fear is swept away, in the light of your embrace." i am feeling it in a different sense, but i think that the fear can be any type of fear. if not, we are just going to pretend that it is because that's how i feel. my fear is swept away because i feel His embrace. the past few days i have had to let God do all the talking. i still can't talk about my situation, but if you know then i guess you are important enough to know. & if you don't know, it's not that you aren't important, i just haven't gotten a chance to let you know. i have had to trust God the past few days more than ever before. i have given everything to Him.

i know what everyone's opinions are & some are good & some are bad. i listen to it all and soak it all in. i trust my friends and respect their opinions so much. i love them so much. i know that i can tell my friends anything without judgement & i am hoping that that lasts. i am so incredibly blessed to have friends that care so much about me. i have no idea what i would do without them, especially lauren. lauren is my best friend. i know she cares about me just as much as i care about her. i would fight for her. i would die for her. i don't like trash talk in general, but you better not be trashing my best friend.

i am protective of her & i don't want her to get hurt ever. and i know she feels the same way about me. but i know that it's life, and people get hurt. you can't walk around in life being over protective of yourself and cautious. everyone gets hurt from time to time. it's inevitable. this is life and you only get one, so you have to take risks and make the best of life. push the envelope. take chances. think outside the box. do things you never thought you could do. follow your heart. follow your mind. listen to your gut. and listen to God. know that not everyone acts, thinks, and feels the same. know that there are good people in the world. trust until you're trust is legitimately broken. you have to take chances and risks in life, or you just aren't living. you can't sit in a bubble of paranoia and cautious. yes, there are many many chances where you have to make sure you are reasoning situations realistically & properly, but you have to have faith and listen to God. and sometimes even follow your heart & your gut.

i don't know what will happen in my life because God keeps proving to me that i am definitely not in control. i am in a completely different playing field than i was last year & than i thought i would be in. my life is so ridiculously different than i thought and it's only been about 6 months since my life drastically changed. God picked me up and shook me & He is still not done showing me all He wants to show me. granted, He will probably never be done showing me things in my life...

'No weeping, no hurt or pain

No suffering You hold me now

You hold me now

No darkness no sick or lame

No hiding You hold me now,

You hold me now'

this is just what i am looking forward to. no weeping. no hurt, pain, suffering, darkness, sick, lame, or hiding. heaven will be amazing & when i am completely in God's presence (not in this world), it will be amazing. i have experienced most of these things the past few days: weeping, hurt, pain, and suffering. but once i gave it to God, he embraced me, swept my fears away, and gave me peace. i am completely at peace with the "situation" and i know that whatever happens, it's God's will and He will make sure that i am happy. only time will tell. i hope i can say exactly what my "situation" is so i could give my probably zero readers a better understanding of all of this.

well. that's enough rambling for today. i'm taking my own advice and taking a risk tonight... getting my nose pierced (= if anywhere is opened on good friday.. oh yeah! happy good friday!

"everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades,

never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame."

wabammed.

well ladies & gentlemen, God throws me for another loop yet again.

i had an amazing day. i went to class, had lunch with lexxie, cleaned my apt then sat by the pool and tanned for 2 hours with lexxie. it was awesome.

however, as soon as i pulled into the sonic parking lot, i get a call from my dad saying my uncle bert had had a heart attack. needless to day i was on edge for about half of my shift. no worries, they put a stent in & he's going to be just fine. praise the Lord for that one.

but then God "wabammed" me. not like i can really discuss this on here (sorry yall) because i haven't been able to say anything about it so far on here. however, i can say that all i can to is leave it to God. oh my goodness i would be nothing without Him. i honestly probably would have gone crazy without Him. i don't understand how people who don't have God do it. how do they make it through the hard times? i know that God has a plan for me & all i can do in this certain situation is just give it to him. He has given me so much peace over it & i am honestly pretty optimistic, no matter what happens. whatever ends up happening, i know that i will be okay. sure, i will probably be really tore up & sad for a while, and i've already lost several tears over this whole matter, but i know that if i can make it through what i made it through in october--i'll be okay.

Romans 8:28: "and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him who have been called according to His purpose."

Jeremiah 29:11: "'for i know the plans i have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. then you will call upon me and i will listen to you. you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. i will be found by you,' declares the Lord, 'and will bring you back from captivity.'"

two is better than one.

words cannot describe how happy i am! & if only i could write on here what i am feeling... but not yet (= i will be able to soon though!

ok enough gushing. this weekend was pretty awesome! the twilight party rock! bsarge had to leave early, but we still had a lot of fun!

zach and brandy hit it off pretty well to say the least! what awesome match makers me & mr andy are (=

saturday i worked from 8-4 & made bank! it was very nice! i skated my butt off though!

then saturday night i went to my brothers house in hendersonville & had dinner with him, suz & the kiddos. it was a lot of fun ;)

sunday was the easter egg hunt with my family @ aunt jane's house in franklin! it was good seeing my family! the last time we got together i was in gulf shores!

sunday night i worked 5-11... it was a normal boring sunday night haha.

today has been awesome! i went to my health class then had lunch at golden eagle with mo & cole! it was om nomtastical! then i went back to the apt, painted my nails (dropped the nail polish on the floor..oops!), cleaned my room & started some laundry! a productive day for sure (=

the last song comes out on wednesday! me & lauren have to figure out when to see it! we've been waiting for this movie for months! the book was amazing! tomorrow i get my camino/sex & the city bff date with lauren! i am so so so excited! i miss her like crazy! it's weird not seeing her almost every day! i have been pleasantly distracted though so that definitely helps (=

"i remember what you wore on the first day
you came into my life, and i thought
hey, you know, this could be something.
cause everything you do and words you say,
you know that it all takes my breath away,
and now i'm left with nothing.

so maybe it's true
that i can't live without you,
and maybe two is better than one.
but there's so much time
to figure out the rest of my life,
and you've already got me coming undone
and i'm thinking two is better than one."

twilight party!

last night was awesome! i worked till 7 then took a nap... so eventful, right?

then i went to katie's & watched the blindside! it was such a good movie!!

today i decided that i needed to invest in a new alarm clock....

i woke up at 10:48... my class started at 10:20. awesome. second time this week. oh well (=

i went to busters with some of the crew: katie, sarah, sullbutt, and joe! it was a lot of fun and i'm stuffed!

then bsarge came over and i packed up and we are headed to get pedis with brandy! i'm so excited!

THEN we are headed to brandy's house to meet up with andy & zach! we're gonna have a twilight party! manhood points are falling away as we speak... not like a & z didn't lose enough in gulf shores... i feel some hoedown throwdown in our future tonight as well ;)

that's about it... not too much left to say (=

still smilin =D

"into your heart i'll beat again sweet like candy to my soul sweet you rock and sweet you roll lost for you i'm so lost for you"

risk it all, cause i'll catch you when you fall.

another rainy day here in the boro. what's new?

ok, ok i can't complain cause yesterday was freakin AMAZING! i even got a farmer's burn on my right arm. i need to even that out but that won't happen today!

yesterday was such a good day! i woke up three minutes before my class started because my alarm didn't go off. i think i should invest in a new alarm... but it's okay (=

i went to have lunch with lexxie (where i got my one armed farmer's burn) and we had a blast! i missed her so much! but not too much longer and i'll be living with her!
then i went to the smyrna starbucks to meet ashley! i worked with her at the tanning bed & she's a k teacher. i had an "interview" with her for the teacher ed program at mtsu. that was my last interview so i can now turn in my application and will hopefully be accepted in the fall!

after starbucks, i went home and tried to study but ended up skyping instead (= then when i attempted to study again, i failed. i felt productive, but will never be productive enough to study poetry. so i made out my schedule for next semester! only three semesters left till student teaching! i cannot wait!

then brandy & katie came over & we went hot tubbing with the boys! sarah came too & it was so much fun! except for andy throwing me in the pool... twice. it was FREEZING! but it was a really fun night with the bc, minus a couple.

so today i woke up to rain. but i'm proud of myself for getting a lack of sleep and waking up early enough to shower, eat breakfast, AND get starbucks. i went to my math class and the lesson wasn't bad at all! caught up with court court & then took the poetry test that i didn't study for! i think i did pretty well though! now i'm wasting away time in the computer lab until my history class! hopefully that class will go by quickly today...

anyways, i have to go to the wonderful world of sonic tonight.. hoo-friggin-ray. but i need the money so HOORAY! we'll make it fun tonight! i get off at 8 so i'll prob bring back some treats for my bc.

well. i guess that's about it.

i'm always smiling lately, no matter what has been thrown at me. and i like it (=

p.s. i miss gulf shores.

"circle me and the needle moves gracefully, back and forth, if my heart was a compass you'd be north, risk it all cause i'll catch you when you fall, wherever you go. if my heart was a house you'd be home"

matthew 7:1-5

today has been such a good day!

the run down:

class

lunch at bluecoast burrito with my best friend (=

back to la's house to watch a few youtube videos & laugh our butts off

ordered tickets to OWL CITY on april 19!!!!!!!

back to my apt to study study study.

ok my highlight of my day so far has been my best friend time (=

i am very excited about tonight though! i'm going to dinner with mr. andy & mr. zach! it'll be SO much fun but we are very sad that lauren can't make it... but cookie monster.. i mean who cannot think of a cookie monster and not smile!?

my week is going by pretty well! i had an awesome weekend too! i went to emilee & kevin's wedding on friday & it was phenomenal! i also got to see some old friends so it was a lot of fun!

then saturday i worked & made BANK from 8-5. i talked to my ex's mom for a bit too, which was a little strange, but it was really nice catching up with her. then i went out with my friends that night & had an absolute blast!

sunday was a pretty relaxed & chill day! i had to work at night, but i made better money than i thought & had three friends come visit, which always makes the shift so much better!

i really can't think about too much more that i can say, i guess i'll just leave with this:

my life is amazing.

i am so so so happy where i am.

God has definitely blessed me with an awesome life.

i can't wait to be a teacher.

and kansas got knocked out, so i've already beat my dad in the bet...well as long as kentucky continues to do well (shout out to sowards: i knew you'd love me for my basketball bracket, cause i put ky as the champs & i'd be disappointed if you hadn't done the same!)

i fully believe in this verse below & i feel that it could definitely be taken to heart by many, many people nowadays...

Matthew 7:1-5

"do not judge, or you too will be judged. for in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye, and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? how can you say to your brother, 'let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? you hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

reflecting.

"don't put all of your faith & trust into one basket... unless it's labeled Jesus."

i definitely made that quote up today. yay me (=

so lauren & i have had a very interesting past couple of days. we've had a blast, don't get me wrong--we always have a blast together. however, i have really had a lot of situations to reflect on.

i'm definitely not going to go into detail on here, so if you would like to know the specific situation then you're just out of luck!

i guess i'll start off by saying the kind of person i wish to be. i really try hard in life to live the way God wants me to. my biggest example in my life definitely was my Granny, and to follow in her footsteps, my model is Proverbs 31:10-31 (a woman of virtue). this is the type of woman i want to be. i have even considered getting it as a tattoo with a yellow rose. my Granny would roll in her grave if she knew i wanted to get a tat to remember her by!

with that being said, i try really hard to be a person that is honest, loyal, and trustworthy. i absolutely despise gossip, but i, like everyone else, do get caught up in it & to say that i don't would just be a lie. however, i would LOVE to be known as the person who doesn't say a bad word about anyone. that's something that i think i've tried to make my goal in life as i get older. i also want to be the type of person who stops gossip. sitting in and listening in on gossip is just as bad as doing the gossiping yourself. someone who doesn't stand up for a friend being bashed, might as well be bashing their friend themselves. people can be extremely hurtful and cruel. that's life. everyone is at fault here. everyone gossips and makes mistakes and says hurtful things. don't lie, you know you have. but i think the difference is the remorse that people show afterwards. if people own up to things they have said and truly feel sorry for hurting someone, that's a character thing. but for those people who deny & just wanna cover their own butts--there's a character check right there.

good friends are extremely hard to find and i'm learning that the older that i get. my mom always told me that if you have 5 good friends, then you are set. i truly believe that.

don't get me wrong--i'm so extremely happy where i am right now in life. i am so exceedingly and deliriously happy that i don't know what to do with myself. i have the greatest friends anyone can ask for and a couple of extremely special people. and not to mention an amazing family and Savior. i love everything about my life & even though there are speed bumps of drama, i know that i have it made. my life is on track... i'm just waiting to see what God throws my way next.

"if you were falling, then i would catch you
you need a light, i'd find a match
cause i love the way you say good morning,
and you take me the way i am

if you are chilly, here take my sweater
your head is aching; i'll make it better
cause i love the way you call me baby
and you take me the way i am."

remember me.

yesterday was a pretty awesome day!

i missed my first class cause i had left my teacher program application packet at home. so when i was on the way to school, already late cause i had over slept, i was forced to turn back around and go home to get it. i had an interview with casie after my class ended. i didn't wanna walk into class with only like 15 minutes left so i just skipped (= i ended up cleaning up the living room & kitchen which was definitely needed! then i went to the interview & it was so fun! me & casie just chatted for a while about everything! then i picked up sayruh and we went to get some awesome panera! i swear i could eat panera every freakin day! i love it! then i went to walmart where i bought more than i needed, but don't i always? i got much needed groceries & cleaning stuff... and two pairs of shoes and 2 dvds (= and then i forgot to get what i went to walmart intentionally for HAHA! what a holly thing to do! then i went home, cleaned the fridge out & put every thing up...and got on fbook for some serious procrastination time! once i realized i had procrastinated for too long, i wrote my paper--WW2 posters & how they influenced society... or something like that. then i went to see remember me with my bff, lauren. it was AMAZING! such a great movie with a huge twist! then we went to arbys & then went home!

on another note: lauren said it perfectly in her blog. i am extremely fed up and annoyed at situations; however, this is definitely not the place to vent and say things that i might regret later. i'll chose to stay optimistic & positive. i'll just talk to God about it (= works out everytime!

anyways.. i can't wait for this weekend! it's gonna be crazy! i have so much homework over the next week (three papers, two tests, and a quiz), but i'm floating on air so i dont even stress about it! wedding tomorrow, followed by quadsquad time. then silverados & sunday shootin! woohoo!

"i melt everytime you look at me that way, it never fails anytime any place."

kapomsh.

i have really been slackin on this blog lately! and now at about 1 am i am finally getting in some late night thoughts. i guess i should start out with right before spring break:

a couple of days before spring break, i went to dinner and spring break shopping with lauren, andy, & zach. it was a BLAST! we went to o'charley's (OM NOM FREAKIN NOM!) then went to target, walmart, then to steak-n-shake for some shakes! then we played the left right game in the truck & the mail box game! after that, we took lalala home & me z & a watched a movie at my apt. we wanted to watch a funny movie & andy picked out the break up. let me just inform everyone who hasn't seen the break up: it is not a very funny movie. it has its funny scenes, but it is overall a sad movie! great choice, andy!

the day before spring break, me and the quadsquad met up again to get some mexican noms & then me andy & lala went to walmart & then to hendersonville to get beach chairs from my brother & sister-in-law. it was a lot of fun! i forgot what the mexican place was called, but it definitely passed me & lauren's strick standards.

then came spring break. words cannot even describe how amazing of a trip the gulf shores trip was! it is hands down the best trip i have ever been on... in this continent. (=

the first day of GS was super sunny & we all went to the beach. me & lauren got awfully random burns! monday, we let our burns relax & went shopping instead & spaghetti night at the house. tuesday was pretty cloudy & windy, but we still hit up the beach in our hoodies & shorts. we walked down to peir & took a bunch of awesome pictures. then we had taco night! wednesday was our last day & it was scattered sunny & cloudy. we still layed out though since it was the last day & that night went to lamberts where they throw the rolls! it was a great ending to the night. thursday we went to lulu's for lunch & it was awesome! then we headed home =( it was very sad leaving! everyone got along so well & there was no drama! it was such a relaxing and carefree trip!

i am so pumped to get through school though! i am ready to finish this semester out & start my summer! it'll be such a crazy fun summer! in may, my bff lauren & i are going on a road trip to texas to see my brother and his family! i am so excited! i know she will love them & they'll love her! in june, we were supposed to go to jersey with sparta, but that fell through (sad day!), but we decided that we are going to make up for it somehow ;). in july i'll be at camp & i cannot even express how stoked i am for camp! it's def the best week of the year for me! i am sad though because all of my cousins/brothers & their families on my mom's side are taking a cousin trip....the exact same week as camp. i did decide to go to camp though because who knows when my last year will be. i love camp & i have never missed a year. and i'm not 21 yet, so i think i would enjoy a beach vaca with the fam a lot more when i'm older and i guess can relate more? i can def relate to my cousins & brothers just fine, but with all of them having the common experience of kids (and the kids being there), and just being a lot older, i feel like i'll have a better experience and will be more needed at camp. maybe another summer though!

so now that i'm back in school, i have the homework piling up. awesome. within this next week, i have two tests & three papers to write. oh how excited i am! and that's only between three classes. woooooooo.

today was an amazing day too! i can't believe i almost forgot about today! i had classes then went to lunch with sparta & latte... camino.. surprise surprise! then me & lauren watched sex and the city till my night class. my technology in the classroom class tonight was a lot of fun! the teacher bought us pizza and we had two other middle school teachers hanging out with us. we ended up going to his school to see some fun interactive white boards and stuff that they use there. then i had a freakin incredible night.... taco bell, twister, grease, & music. nothin beats a night with friends!

well i'm sorry this is so vague! i'll try to post more blogs more frequently so i can be more detailed... i'm so tired that i can't even function or think about what all i have left to say... and what i would love to talk about, i can't yet talk about ;)

"well you can cut a rug, watchin you is the only drug i need,

so gangsta i'm so thug, you're the only one i'm dreaming of you see,

i can be myself now finally, in fact there's nothing i can be,

i want the world to see you'll be with me." <3

whipped cream.

the weekend is finally here! not that it really matters much because i have worked everyday...

friday i had my class then worked 2-7. it was caitlin's last day at sonic! we were very sad! but, as tradition, we whip creamed her! me and brandy got her while clint held her down! after work i went to my parents' house to eat dinner.. i showered & got ready for silverados! (and my chacos came in!!! i LOVE them!)

anyways, i picked up brandy and we headed to silverados for caitlin's going away party. it was so much fun! i have a new found love of line dancing!

after silverados, i took brandy home & went to the boys apt for lane's pilot party! i got there and started swing dancin with joe! and then i taught joe, zach and andy the rooster strut. then me & zach "perfected" the good time dance! so needless to say, i burned a lot of calories dancing last night! haha

saturday i slept in. it was amazing! then i had lunch with sarah at busters. then i worked from 5-midnight! awesome. sonic owns me lately. tonight i especially wanted to pull out my hair. it was ridiculous! but, i did have 7 friends come & see me so i felt very special (=

anyways, i just finished reading a chapter in the new book i'm reading: dateable. it's a christian book that i definitely should have read in high school. it talks about dating in your teens but i'm only 20 so i think i still kinda count (= so it talks about how basically if you are in a relationship: it will end. eventually at least. it's a very truthful and blunt book on the christian perspective of dating and how you should have fun and not put everything into your relationship because it will end eventually and you will be left destroyed. this is why i should have read it in high school. i feel like things would have been a little bit different. so now i'll leave you with my favorite paragraph so far:

"God knows that if we get too caught up in chasing, catching, and hanging onto a crush, then we stop growing. we stop seeing his power. his mystery. his love. the Great Romancer wants to romance you. he wants to show you the sunsets and give you the falling stars. he wants you to run with passion after him. he wants to shape you. he wants to give you your dreams, your desires, your destiny."

word.

today has been pretty uneventful.

class.

tan.

shower.

homework.

lunch.

laundry.

clean up apartment.

awesome.

so now i'm just chillin, waitin to go to work. i might go home before work and see the rents...

later i'll go to work for my amazing three hour shift! then head to the rec with sparta, lauren, and sarah.

then i will hopefully be hittin the hay early tonight cause i have a full day tomorrow!

word for the day: qwerty. (=

prayin that this cold will go away.. all just mucus and drainage now. funnnn!

"they say that love can heal the broken,
they say that hope can make you see,
they say that faith can find a saviour,
if you would follow and believe, with faith like a child"

what do tigers dream of?

hey yall!

it's been a pretty good day here!

i missed my first three classes & slept in. (= oops

so i woke up & tanned. then showered and went to camino with lauren (so much for givin up mexican for two weeks ;) ) then we had a sex and the city marathon! it was so much fun! EEEKKKK! *claps hands*! hahaha! i love my bestest friend! we are so alike and i don't know what i'd do without her!.. anyways (=

then i went to class & we made jeopardy boards on the computer. it was pretty much a huge waste of time. and then i went to dinner at cheddars with lauren and sparta.. then hit up walmart! then i went to the boys apartment and hung out with alex and sullay a bit. i haven't gotten to see them much lately cause i have been working so much & i miss them a lot! then i came home, did some laundry, finished a paper, & here i am!

so, i thought i'd write down some thoughts that i have had lately about friends.

i have had a few problems with friends lately and i guess instead of venting everything i just wanna share what i have learned:

i don't want to be a fake person. i know most everyone struggles with gossip and that is something i am trying extra hard lately not to do. gossip is ridiculous and i dont want to be apart of it. i have been at the receiving end of a lot of gossip lately with my friends and it just makes me realize that when i say things about other people, even if they aren't meant to hurt, they can and do hurt. i know what it feels like and i dont want to be that kind of person that is one way to someone's face, then completely different when they walk away. just like in the movie mean girls "omg that skirt is so cute!" *girl walks away* "that is the ugliest effing skirt i have ever seen." i dont want to be like that. Proverbs says: "gossip separates the best of friends." this one of the truest verses ever. because it does. gossip has made me keep many people at arm's length.

anyways, these are my scattered midnight thoughts thrown onto the paper (= enjoy you crazy/thoughtful friends.

love always <3

"When everything is wrong I'll come talk to you
You make things alright when I'm feeling blue

You are such a blessing and I wont be messing
with the one thing that brings light to all my darkness

You're my best friend
and I love you, and I love you
Yes I do

There is no other one who can take your place
I feel happy inside when I see your face
I hope you believe me
'Cause I speak sincerely
and I mean it when I tell you that I need you

You're my best friend
and I love you, and I love you
Yes I do

I'm here right beside you
I will never leave you
and I feel the pain you feel when you start crying

You're my best friend
and I love you, and I love you
Yes I do"

DEDICATED: to my best friend, lauren (=

chacos time!

well it's monday now & i have been sick the past two days! it has definitely not been fun!

saturday night i started to get sick but forced myself to get out of bed & go to silverados with my coworkers. it was definitely an interesting night to say the least haha.

sunday i was bed ridden. i ended up going home & was definitely not a fun day... but i did finish my book, the lovely bones.

then today i felt a lot better. which was awesome! i wrote a paper which wasn't fun. but i finished it. kind of. haha and then i went to work...

while i was at work, mr andy thought it would be funny to tell me that he broke his leg & couldn't go on our spring break trip to gulf shores. i didn't believe it for a minute! but i got him back.. no worries. and he still owes me haha

anyways... i've been working so much so there isn't much else to say =/

oh, i failed lent for sweets. but the other half is still going strong!!

"work work all week long, punchin that clock dusk from till dawn, countin the days till friday night that's when all the conditions are right for a good time, i need a good time. yeah i've been workin all week and i'm tired and i don't wanna sleep and i wanna have fun, it's time for a good time."

what a week.

well it's been a pretty busy week... here's the quick summary:

sunday--valentines day. awesome. ok it really wasn't that bad haha. i bought myself a new dress for church that i had had my eye on at target so i justified it since i didn't have a significant other to buy for (= so i went to church with my friends & then had a few single ladies over to my apartment after to bake and decorate cookies! it was fun... and then the boys crashed it. i should've known that they would. shoulda remembered to lock the door! then i went home to see my mom & then i went to work and closed. yes, i worked on valentines day night. so not lame! hahaha

monday--went to my health class then i can't remember what i did until 5. but at 5, i went to work.. & closed. again.

tuesday--tuesdays are my busy days. i have class from 8-12:45 (math for teachers, english lit, and us history) then i have a break until my technology in the classroom class from 4:30-7:30. so during my break, i hung out with lauren & sparta. it was so fun! we went to camino & got some noms & then we went to lauren's house. me & lauren made some HILARIOUS videos! and sparta recorded them! then i went to class. we always get out early in that class.. so after i went to the point with sarah at new vision. it was really good!

wednesday--back at my health class. then i went to cheddars with sparta & lauren. it was the first day of lent & i gave up boys & sweets. needless to say, the cookie monster broke lent for me. oops. (= it was so good though! then i went home and read & later i went to the boys apartment and hung out for a little while. it was fun (=

thursday--went to class then worked from 2-11. made gooooooooood money! lane, andy, & zach came to sonic & paid me money for spring break!!

friday--i overslept and missed my class.. oops (= then i tanned, ran some errands, and cleaned my little chili pepper! the weather was so nice! then i went to work from 2-7. after work, i went to camino with lauren, sparta, sarah, & sparta's friend robby. it was phe-nom-inal!

and here we are at saturday...--i went to work from 9-3. we were SO busy! now i'm feelin sick. not good... i gotta feel better cause i'm supposed to go out tonight!

well, that's been my week! so much sonic... but i gotta save money for spring break! we leave for gulf shores in two weeks! now i'm sitting here hoping that i don't get sick! no bueno!

"scar tissue that i wish you saw,sarcastic mister know it all, close your eyes and i'll kiss you cause with the birds i'll share, with the birds i'll share this lonely view."

well, my two best friends (lauren & sparta) made blogs, and they are making me conform. i've had a few blogs before, but i always stopped after a while... hopefully they'll make me keep writing. well here it goes:

my name is holly holt. i'm a very optimistic person. i like to look on the brightside of every situation that comes my way. i can't stand being around negative people. what an awful way to live. i am a christian & in the past few months my faith has grown so much, it's crazy. i took one of the lowest parts of my life & made it into a praise instead of a burden. if you are so curious that you have to know, this low part was a heartbreak. my ex and i broke up in october. i was devastated. i thought i would marry the kid. turns out, God knew what he was doing all along--as he always does. God picked me up & shook me. i opened my eyes and realized that even though God was so important in my life already, he wasn't the MOST important thing to me. He wanted me to put Him at the center of my life. it just took a while to realize it. i am happier than i ever was being in that relationship. yes, i do get a little sad still thinking back & realizing that that part of my life is over. however, i get so happy when i realize where i am now & when i think of all the possibilities that God has in store for me. i know that he will bless me far more than i ever expected. i have an amazing family & group of close friends that i do not know what i would do without them!

let's see what else about me... well my favorite food is macaroni and cheese, my favorite color is yellow. i'm a sucker for yellow roses & if you know me well enough you know why. i already have my realistic dream car: red 5 speed honda del sol, yes: i love driving a manual way more than an automatic! i love to read & i have been reading a lot lately! my favorite series of books is harry potter. i have yet to read twilight... shocking, i know. i just finished dear john & the last song.. AMAZING books if you haven't read them yet. i'm in the middle of reading the lovely bones. i have so many books lined up that i have to read next. i love finding new things in the bible too, though i don't think i could do the whole reading straight through it.

anyways, i'm not a tomboy or an extreme girly girl. i'm definitely a happy medium. i'm a southern girl for sure. i love everything about the south. summer is my favorite season for sure. i am so sick of winter & snow right now! i can't wait to drive around with the top of my car off! i love doing anything outside like hiking or swimming. i love to watch sports, even though i'm not very coordinated when i play them... i'm not horrible though & i'll take a challenge! basketball is definitely my favorite sport, but i also love football & starting to love hockey (thanks lauren & sparta). my teams: basketball: UT, football: titans, hockey: preds! yes i am a close to home fan (= i guess i dislike the usual things that most people dislike: liars, fake people, cheaters. the norm. it's funny how many people dislike those characteristics, but who act that way that they hate. i've definitely had my share of backstabbing & crap talking from my closest friends, but it's definitely made me a stronger person. i count those experiences as blessings because it shows me how i don't want to be.

i'm currently single.. & will be for at least another 40 days because lent started today. i'm not catholic so don't even try that! i just felt like it'd be a good break from certain things. so for lent i'm giving up boys & sweets. yes, i've been single for a few months, but that doesn't mean that i haven't had my emotions messed with & screwed over again. cause i have. but it's all a learning experience. i like to think that if i can't seem to find the good in it, it'll just be another story that i can tell my kids to help them through their tough times.

i love music so much. it's an amazing outlet & i have such a random ipod, it's crazy.

this is so unorganized & rambling & if you have made it this far in reading then you must be something crazy or special for caring enough to read all this nonsense haha.

lauren has this for her blog & i did this in my old xanga blog, so i'll throw some lyrics or a verse in each blog somewhere...

"at the cross i bow my knee, where your blood was shed for me, there's no greater love than this. you have overcome the grave, glory fills the highest place, what can separate me now?"

basically here's me in a nutshell: i'm holly: the happy southern girl, servant of God, who strives to be the best person she can be & loves to live, laugh, and love.